He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
