Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
