therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
