They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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