i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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