people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
