i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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