The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Welp...herpes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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