If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
