her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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