i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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