ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
