My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
