no, he came in my armpit
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
