Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
