Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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