We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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