I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
NoShamevember. You game?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
