is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
