Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
