Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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