But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
