i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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