You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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