Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
