Christians are straight up FREAKS
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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