he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
