U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
