just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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