There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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