Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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