shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
