who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
