i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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