"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
