Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
