guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
