why didn't you poke me back
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
