I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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