just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
