he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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