My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
