i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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