She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
