I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
