I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
