my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
