ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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