Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
