I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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